Half in reaction to my own thoughts I add, "We have to be careful Nicky. REAL careful about this. Not the kind of thing anyone understands. I don't understand it." You don't have to do nothing for me, nothing you don't want." That is not what I mean. I CAN be there for you. Not real often, NOT in our houses. In fact, I have no fucking clue how I can. All I am saying is I can be." The impossibility of it was depressing me.So, we let it drop. We said enough, and slipped back to a normal conversation. He explained the year was going to be real good for him, which also meant real busy. I knew what real good meant. He built houses, and the season begins in June. I work as a nurses aid, the helping profession (just came to me - HA) and summers were for some reason easier. But we each had k**s, and a spouse, and work. It seemed really, really unworkable. But our feelings on this needed to be shared, and we shared them. It was good.---On the way out, our vehicles were next to each other. We. "I'm not." William put on an innocent face. "I just..." he held up his hands, letting them flutter like little birds, " ... I need some time to think, that's all." I've been thinking too..." I started, but now William had decided to talk and he cut me off, as if he hadn't heard me."I'm graduating in a few months. I talked to my dad and he wants me to come home. I can get my teaching certificate and they need teachers." William, I..." So I don't think we should, uh..." He frowned. He'd been looking at me, but now he looked down at his fingers, picking at his long thumbnail nervously. "I don't want to get too close to you." No. William, please..." I wasn't sure what he was telling me, but I didn't like it."It'll just make it harder to say goodbye later." He looked up then, his eyes soft, like he was ready to cry, even wanted to cry, but wouldn't. Not while I sat there with him."Are you breaking up with me?" I forgot what I was going to say for a moment while my mind finally caught up.
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